Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
