Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
