dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So many bounce houses so little time
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
