There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
