Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
