I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
