Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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