wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
