oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
