Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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