i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
