I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
