New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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