I think im going to throw up on grandma
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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