did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize