Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
