He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize