If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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