lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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