i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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