I will die if light touches me.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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