you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
