before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
