The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
