So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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