ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
