Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
