dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
