I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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