meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
