the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
