Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
