Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
