I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
