worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
