I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
