everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
