Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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