i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
