wrigley field is MILF paradise
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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