I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
