i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
