dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I miss vodka workout Fridays
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
