Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
