He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
