You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize