thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
