where am i from again
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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