Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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