Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
