This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
