I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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