i don't like sucking hair
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
