Your face is a jimmy john
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
