he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
