and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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