i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
