just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
