just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
