you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
