Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
