Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
