my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize