We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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