I can tuck mytits in my pants
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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