If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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