Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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