just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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