"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
