You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
