Just cropdusted the office
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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