walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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