Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
