And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
